Milan Kundera writes a short story based on the meaning behind a Bohemian word Litost. I don't even know how to pronounce the word but the way he brings its meaning to life has my insides turning. I feel sick with humiliation, anger, amusement and embarrassment. Is everyone so freaking selfish that even when they surrender themselves to someone else's happiness it really is only their own feeling of gratification they are out for. So Litost in my words - probably stolen from the minds of others - is the embodiment of embarrassment. The feeling is to such a degree that the inadequacy one feels causes them to wrongly lash out or sink deeper into their inadequacy. All in order to regain self control. My example stems from my life - big shocker! I was loved real real hard once. I so badly tried to hurry up my love learning process inorder to catch up to the person who loved me so that I could love as deep. They had much more love life experiences than I and when they reminded me I needed to speed up I subconciously slowed down. I was convincing myself I would never have a chance to get there on my own and being a step behind kept me in control of ever loving entirely, miserably maybe, becuase that is what I was making him . Make any sense, well I decided to walk away to show him and stopped the process all together and then when I was ready he had disappeared, taking his love with him.
"Litost, therefore, is the characteristic of the age of inexperience. It is one of the ornaments of youth. Litost works like a two-stroke engine. Torment is followed by the desire for revenge. The goal of revenge is to make ones partner look as miserable as oneself."
No wonder he finally disappeared. It is not pleasant to be denied love for knowing how to love.
1 comment:
Yes. Everyone is so freaking selfish that even when they surrender themselves to someone else's happiness it really is only their own feeling of gratification they are out for. Anything less is called codependency.
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