Experimental Success...

A passion to uncover what the human race and the globe has to offer my life is essential and courageous. This I know as TRUTH. Something awaits me internationally and yet I hold back from making a commitment to start that exploration and finding out what it is. I am battling between the guilt and the embarrassment I feel when I reflect on my intellectual and emotional progress.
I need to stop hiding in that fog.

Many accept the surface of my habitual daily life as a step toward my inevitable corporate and financially secure future. Hence the guilt.
I wake up every day with a cynical outlook on life. Hence the embarrassment.
I believe my brain has been functioning at expiring levels in my work environment and in my personal life lately. And because I continue existing at this decaying momentum I feel like I don’t deserve to pursue that intimate force globally calling me.

Why dose a big paycheck bring self-fulfillment and admiration?
Why is a personal mission of learning and sharing new cultures viewed as an experimental success and a unsuitable financial set back?
Is an academic University the only learning environment that will provide me with the experience, credentials and respect to achieve?
Should I feel guilty that I measure my success on what I have lived, seen and shared?
Is receiving a Masters in ordering at Starbucks considered being responsible?
Is learning how to dig a watering hole in East Africa only considered a cool story to share over a soy latte?

I know I am a little late in the 20 something game since I chose to disappear for a few years so I could live in paradise, in love, a little to young and failed.
MOST FAVORED TIME IN MY SELF DISCOVERY!
However, a few years later I own a beach condo in the raddest city in the country, which I consider a victorious investment, as do many, thanks to many. Alas, I feel that in all other facets of my life I have beached my personal development. It is time to get back into the tropical waters of life and start swimming through the colors of the world again so I can make that same victorious investment in myself.